Excellent post. One of my favorite subjects to learn about and discuss as a father of four kids as of three days ago!
Lighthouse parenting is such a great reframe and book titled which I added to my list. The helicopter vs mountain guide also excellent.
If anyone wants more info on raising resilient kids, best account on Substack is (un)popular parent by Erin Miller. The beauty of parenting wisdom is that it can often be applied to any relationship or leadership situation we genuinely care about which is often the areas of our life that produce the most stress because we care.
Thanks for the recommendation, too. My kids are 19 and 22, but I work with many young parents, and I like to see what they are reading and appreciate insights into the challenges of raising little ones right now.
"If their kid gets bullied, they call up the school, the bully’s parent, and probably the United States military to stop the bullying." <--- Can we talk about this line?
Hi. Mom of an 11 year old boy here. I agree with 95% of this article but this line struck me a little funny. It's one thing to blunt a child's emotional range by stepping in every time they get upset, and it's another thing to be their advocate when it comes to abuse. Now, I get it, bullying is a grey area. A kid made fun of you? Welcome to a world where people say mean stuff. A teacher doesn't like you? Yup, not all adults are friendly. A kid corners you in the bathroom and spits in your mouth. Nope. Not cool. I'll step in. A sports doctor is making you feel weird during a physical exam? Tell me all about it and I promise you I will listen, I will believe you, and I will do something about it. Teaching our kids discernment of when to deal and when to seek help is a part of our jobs. And it means sorting through lots of scenarios and learning where the line is.
So, I totally get that the US Military part of this line was supposed to be flippant but when sexual abuse and hazing are a standard part of military culture, not to mention the mental health and socio-economic issues our veterans face, it makes me think perhaps a better example could be used here for considering how your child can be a healthy adult 30 years from now.
The alternative examples I would consider would be not buying them the newest device, delaying the use of a smart phone, not buying designer brands just to fit in with the popular kids, not letting a teenager get cosmetic procedures or plastic surgery. It's going to piss them off but they'll be better for it in 30 years.
Let your kids see you in your "element" like playing a competitive sport, performing in a play, etc., so they understand you have a life outside of being a parent!
This also helps them cast a vision for what adulthood can be—fun, interesting, engaging, challenging in the best ways! It's not all heavy responsibilities and "paying the bills!"
My daughter was in an auto accident last week that was traumatic for her and me as I witnessed it. I was not judgemental, but so happy she was alive. Today is her first day back behind the wheel and I can see that her resilience has grown.
Yes, love this, we have raised two amazing kids now 28 and 31. God has always been the center, but I will say we did not fight their fights. They knew we were always there for them, and I'm so thankful to say we have very strong relationships with them. We were not their friends, we are now, and its so fun! Thank you MIchael I love your work so much!! Oh goodness, we have made our mistakes, but we have learned from them.
I feel like all those tips can be applied to the business world. The company I work for is in a helicopter state, in turn, taking the joy out work. I felt I was a better producer and not nearly as stressed out. Thank you.
Excellent post. One of my favorite subjects to learn about and discuss as a father of four kids as of three days ago!
Lighthouse parenting is such a great reframe and book titled which I added to my list. The helicopter vs mountain guide also excellent.
If anyone wants more info on raising resilient kids, best account on Substack is (un)popular parent by Erin Miller. The beauty of parenting wisdom is that it can often be applied to any relationship or leadership situation we genuinely care about which is often the areas of our life that produce the most stress because we care.
Congrats on your new edition, Kyle!
Thanks for the recommendation, too. My kids are 19 and 22, but I work with many young parents, and I like to see what they are reading and appreciate insights into the challenges of raising little ones right now.
Thank you!
"If their kid gets bullied, they call up the school, the bully’s parent, and probably the United States military to stop the bullying." <--- Can we talk about this line?
Hi. Mom of an 11 year old boy here. I agree with 95% of this article but this line struck me a little funny. It's one thing to blunt a child's emotional range by stepping in every time they get upset, and it's another thing to be their advocate when it comes to abuse. Now, I get it, bullying is a grey area. A kid made fun of you? Welcome to a world where people say mean stuff. A teacher doesn't like you? Yup, not all adults are friendly. A kid corners you in the bathroom and spits in your mouth. Nope. Not cool. I'll step in. A sports doctor is making you feel weird during a physical exam? Tell me all about it and I promise you I will listen, I will believe you, and I will do something about it. Teaching our kids discernment of when to deal and when to seek help is a part of our jobs. And it means sorting through lots of scenarios and learning where the line is.
So, I totally get that the US Military part of this line was supposed to be flippant but when sexual abuse and hazing are a standard part of military culture, not to mention the mental health and socio-economic issues our veterans face, it makes me think perhaps a better example could be used here for considering how your child can be a healthy adult 30 years from now.
The alternative examples I would consider would be not buying them the newest device, delaying the use of a smart phone, not buying designer brands just to fit in with the popular kids, not letting a teenager get cosmetic procedures or plastic surgery. It's going to piss them off but they'll be better for it in 30 years.
Very helpful, thank you! Signed, a dad of an 8-year old.
Let your kids see you in your "element" like playing a competitive sport, performing in a play, etc., so they understand you have a life outside of being a parent!
Love this!
This also helps them cast a vision for what adulthood can be—fun, interesting, engaging, challenging in the best ways! It's not all heavy responsibilities and "paying the bills!"
Exactly, adulthood should still be something to look forward to despite the bills and responsibilities!
My daughter was in an auto accident last week that was traumatic for her and me as I witnessed it. I was not judgemental, but so happy she was alive. Today is her first day back behind the wheel and I can see that her resilience has grown.
Think 30 years ahead = delayed gratification and perspective. 100%
Would love to hear what the interviewee would say about grandma and grandpa’s house where it’s pure hedonism and immediate joy 24/7!
Yes, love this, we have raised two amazing kids now 28 and 31. God has always been the center, but I will say we did not fight their fights. They knew we were always there for them, and I'm so thankful to say we have very strong relationships with them. We were not their friends, we are now, and its so fun! Thank you MIchael I love your work so much!! Oh goodness, we have made our mistakes, but we have learned from them.
Did not expect a parenting article from the Two-Percent universe! A welcome surprise, for sure.
Haha! I'm glad you found it to be a welcome surprise.
I feel like all those tips can be applied to the business world. The company I work for is in a helicopter state, in turn, taking the joy out work. I felt I was a better producer and not nearly as stressed out. Thank you.