“In my neighborhood, people who have everything they need but are rarely challenged lose their minds over mild inconveniences, like the trash being picked up late or a weed in another neighbor’s yard.” THIS IS SO TRUE.
Michael, thanks to you I have signed up for my first DEKA in July and my first camping / hiking trip in the Rockies this year. Against what most people say around me “that’s too difficult” ..” u won’t make it”. I’m training hard for it and it is already changing my life. Thanks for your work! God bless!
The heart of this concept is exactly why I'm a big proponent of solo travel, at least occasionally. Or really, even just any kind of international travel. You're not doing anything overly extreme, yet you're being pushed out of your comfort zone where there are language barriers, currency conversations, unfamiliar navigation, new food discovery, and so on (all this is assuming "international travel" doesn't mean staying at a walled-off all-inclusive resort). You have to react to a lot of unfamiliar circumstances and work through them, and as a result you build your resiliency for dealing with unexpected problems in day-to-day life. All while taking a vacation--can't beat it.
Marc, I love your comment on solo travel! The summer of my freshman year of college I backpacked around Europe solo and it was a life changing experience. Things almost never go perfectly while traveling but you learn to adapt and figure it out. My family thought I was crazy to be traveling around Europe alone but when I got home I was happy to share with them all the things I had overcame along the way.
This reminds me of the Biosphere 2 Experiment with the trees in a dome … without any wind they just fall over. They need stress to build up strength and flexibility. We are trees.
What I find incredibly difficult is applying this to parenting to keep my kids in that sweet spot of some challenge. It’s tough to fight your own instincts of wanting to make life better and easier for them, but also balance not going overboard every now and then.
This resonates! But as my kids have gotten older (11 & 13) they push boundaries and become more and more independent so they often learn to navigate those challenges on their own. But it’s still nerve wracking when they leave the house for hours and I have to trust they’ll make good decisions!
I think you’ll find many people who’ve served in the military and in combat will wholly agree with your assessment. There are notable exceptions, combat can some over the edge. PTSD can be a consequence, but that’s a long complicated story. However most veterans will tell you that it has changed their perspective for the better. You learn what’s important and what isn’t. Most isn’t. Accomplishments that many think define them, that prove their success and value —riches, celebrity, their big house — prove only they have no concept of that’s valuable and what’s important in this life. More to be pitied than scorned.
This is such an interesting topic and one I've been thinking about, and thinking about writing about, all year. Mainly, the thing that interests me is what exactly constitutes the sweet spot of hardship? I completely endorse the idea that moderate difficulty is so good for you, while, on the other hand, have had a couple painful experiences that didn't seem to make me stronger or tougher — they just plain sucked. So what are the qualities of the type of adversity that creates growth rather than problems? You mention that it can't feel too overwhelming or uncontrollable. I wonder where the lines are there. I would theorize too that experiences that you choose, rather than those that happen *to* you, would be more likely to be catalysts for positive growth, though stuff that befalls you can surely be as well. Anyway, pondering what the parameters of the sweet spot are is fascinating!
I'm thinking about what you've written from the perspective of an educator. I wonder about how we balance challenging each student appropriately with the concept of scale. Do we need to accept that we may push some students too much and others too little and just hope to get some in the middle? I don't mean to be pessimistic. Just something I'm thinking about (and will begin chewing on in my own substack).
I really enjoy the comparison to exercise. I'm currently organising a festival that is an endless amount of stress. Seems every day is critical.
Funny thing is though if I take the weekend off and not think about it at all. I come back the next week and everything is challenging but it seems more manageable.
Weird to think of rest days for mental stress building your capacity for it.
This is phenomenal but doesn’t give credit to the power of community and faith that helps integrate and grow from these challenging experiences rather than place the sole focus on the individual navigating alone.
In navigating truly difficult times I have not found a solo wanderer. They speak of community and a higher purpose.
“In my neighborhood, people who have everything they need but are rarely challenged lose their minds over mild inconveniences, like the trash being picked up late or a weed in another neighbor’s yard.” THIS IS SO TRUE.
My HOA's Facebook group is the online Mecca of first-world problems.
Michael, thanks to you I have signed up for my first DEKA in July and my first camping / hiking trip in the Rockies this year. Against what most people say around me “that’s too difficult” ..” u won’t make it”. I’m training hard for it and it is already changing my life. Thanks for your work! God bless!
I love hearing this. Great work.
The heart of this concept is exactly why I'm a big proponent of solo travel, at least occasionally. Or really, even just any kind of international travel. You're not doing anything overly extreme, yet you're being pushed out of your comfort zone where there are language barriers, currency conversations, unfamiliar navigation, new food discovery, and so on (all this is assuming "international travel" doesn't mean staying at a walled-off all-inclusive resort). You have to react to a lot of unfamiliar circumstances and work through them, and as a result you build your resiliency for dealing with unexpected problems in day-to-day life. All while taking a vacation--can't beat it.
Marc, I love your comment on solo travel! The summer of my freshman year of college I backpacked around Europe solo and it was a life changing experience. Things almost never go perfectly while traveling but you learn to adapt and figure it out. My family thought I was crazy to be traveling around Europe alone but when I got home I was happy to share with them all the things I had overcame along the way.
You have done a remarkable way of describing the “one day at a time” of recovery. Thanks always appreciate the clarity you bring to each article.
This reminds me of the Biosphere 2 Experiment with the trees in a dome … without any wind they just fall over. They need stress to build up strength and flexibility. We are trees.
What I find incredibly difficult is applying this to parenting to keep my kids in that sweet spot of some challenge. It’s tough to fight your own instincts of wanting to make life better and easier for them, but also balance not going overboard every now and then.
This resonates! But as my kids have gotten older (11 & 13) they push boundaries and become more and more independent so they often learn to navigate those challenges on their own. But it’s still nerve wracking when they leave the house for hours and I have to trust they’ll make good decisions!
I think you’ll find many people who’ve served in the military and in combat will wholly agree with your assessment. There are notable exceptions, combat can some over the edge. PTSD can be a consequence, but that’s a long complicated story. However most veterans will tell you that it has changed their perspective for the better. You learn what’s important and what isn’t. Most isn’t. Accomplishments that many think define them, that prove their success and value —riches, celebrity, their big house — prove only they have no concept of that’s valuable and what’s important in this life. More to be pitied than scorned.
This is such an interesting topic and one I've been thinking about, and thinking about writing about, all year. Mainly, the thing that interests me is what exactly constitutes the sweet spot of hardship? I completely endorse the idea that moderate difficulty is so good for you, while, on the other hand, have had a couple painful experiences that didn't seem to make me stronger or tougher — they just plain sucked. So what are the qualities of the type of adversity that creates growth rather than problems? You mention that it can't feel too overwhelming or uncontrollable. I wonder where the lines are there. I would theorize too that experiences that you choose, rather than those that happen *to* you, would be more likely to be catalysts for positive growth, though stuff that befalls you can surely be as well. Anyway, pondering what the parameters of the sweet spot are is fascinating!
The audio itself is good but for me there were a lot of very weird AI moments and noises.
Michael,
You might take a look at this article in The Atlantic: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/2026/02/youth-reading-books-professors/685825/
I'm thinking about what you've written from the perspective of an educator. I wonder about how we balance challenging each student appropriately with the concept of scale. Do we need to accept that we may push some students too much and others too little and just hope to get some in the middle? I don't mean to be pessimistic. Just something I'm thinking about (and will begin chewing on in my own substack).
Thanks!
Blair
I really enjoy the comparison to exercise. I'm currently organising a festival that is an endless amount of stress. Seems every day is critical.
Funny thing is though if I take the weekend off and not think about it at all. I come back the next week and everything is challenging but it seems more manageable.
Weird to think of rest days for mental stress building your capacity for it.
Great article! 3:17, why did you suddenly shout(elevenlabs or other voice cloning?)?
I first learned about Seery’s research in the book The Upside of Stress. Beautifully explained here as always.
This is phenomenal but doesn’t give credit to the power of community and faith that helps integrate and grow from these challenging experiences rather than place the sole focus on the individual navigating alone.
In navigating truly difficult times I have not found a solo wanderer. They speak of community and a higher purpose.
The audio version in this episode is horrible,
Love the content, but just asking if possible to check it and fix it.
The audio for me was just fine