9 ways to raise resilient kids
Imagine a jerk-free future.
Post summary
On Monday, we covered the theory of raising resilient kids in a time when youth mental health is at an all-time low.
Today we’re exploring specific practices parents can use to help their kids.
We’ll cover 9 research-backed tactics that experts and Two Percenters are using to build confident, competent kids.
Please use these so the world ends up with fewer jerks.
Housekeeping
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The post
On Monday, we covered the real science of raising resilient kids in a time when youth mental health is at an all-time low. As youth resilience expert Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg put it:
“Mental health is about how you respond when life is not joyful.”
Writing that post reminded me of a conversation I once had with a college friend.
Despite his lunacy in college, this friend became very successful. A few business bets paid off and he found himself with plenty of money.
But after he read The Comfort Crisis, he began to worry that his family’s new living standards might hurt his kids.
“Should I, like, move my family into a really bad neighborhood so my kids aren’t spoiled and learn to be tough?” he asked.
Ummm … no, dude.
It’s natural to want your kids to have a better life than you did. But in some ways—as the world has become better, safer, and more comfortable—that instinct can backfire.
The challenge is giving kids opportunities and difficulties. Resilience comes from experiences that challenge kids in a safe and supportive way.
What experiences can you give your kids (and yourself) daily, weekly, and annually that build resilient humans?
I dug deeper into the research, tapped expert sources, and I polled the Two Percent community in the Two Percent chat. Here are nine tactics that work:
1. Take weighted walks together
Josh Bryant is one of the smartest minds in strength and fitness. When I returned from my 850-mile hike 13 pounds lighter, I called him and asked him to help me build back some muscle (I’ll cover that later).
Josh frequently posts photos of himself and his son walking with weight together. When I asked him about that, he wrote:
We talk, we sweat, we bond. No screens, no noise—just movement and meaning. Rucking is time under tension for the soul. It builds muscle, sure—but more importantly, it builds the heart. Physically and mentally. Discipline, habits, shared struggle—this is how resilience is forged.
He’s right. Research dating back to the 1950s shows that shared challenges build stronger bonds and boost resilience. This is one reason why adventure therapy often outperforms talk therapy in improving mental health and resilience1.
2. Let them learn from mistakes
Two Percenter David said allowing his kids to fail instead has been powerful:
“Not forcing them to do homework is one example. If they don’t do their homework, they learn that there’s a natural consequence to their actions and behaviors. And the next time they get homework, they do it.”
This idea is backed by the legendary Kauai Longitudinal Study. It tracked a large group of people from birth to age 32, many of who were considered high-risk.
A key finding: kids who understood the influence their actions had on their outcomes were more resilient later in life.
3. Encourage the right kind of risky play
I read a resilience study2 that opens with the most insane line ever:
Risky outdoor play has been associated with promoting children’s health and development, but also with injury and death.
Despite the turn-for-the-worse opening, the review had some critical findings.
The scientists examined 18 studies on the upsides and downsides of “risky outdoor play” among 3 to 12 year olds.